How To Avoid Offending People With Your Blog

If you don't want to offend people, then don't have a blog! I have been Blogging since 2006. I love to blog. (I am not so keen on offending people, but it happens!) I have had spurts of time on Facebook, but that is the only other form of social media that I have used. (Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc., are all too zippy for me.) I much prefer the platform of blogging. For me, and my personality, it works best.

There was a time when more people were involved in blogging on a regular basis -- I enjoyed that time, I miss it! I loved keeping up with people via their window into their world through a blog. Now people seem more inclined to use a line or two to express their thoughts, opinions, and breakfast menus, on other fast-paced social media outlets. I feel like the world of Facebook and Twitter is quick and easy, but it is also vague and empty. These outlets work splendid for some people, but I suppose I am much too long-winded for making my point in just a few short words. The real problem is, I have a lot to say, and a few lines will never do for me. I have a lot of blah, blah, blahing to do.

So why do I blog? What is the point? (I have been blogging pretty religiously for about 9 years! You can go HERE for posts back to 2006.) 

Well, besides keeping a record of my life, and the life of my family, it is also a place for me to figure out and make sense of my feelings. My brain is constantly spinning, and my blog is like a close friend to me -- someone I spill all the beans to. I do have to edit the "spilled beans" as to not be too personal, but I still expose a lot of myself in my writing. I have come to discover that this can be good, and bad. My blog has been the cause of contention for some, but it has also been a source of healing and happiness for me. In my mind, the pros far outweigh the cons when it comes to blogging (I cannot say the same for Facebook). I have no idea how my blog makes you feel, maybe good, maybe bad, maybe somewhere in between? Unfortunately, I can't really control the feelings of others. (Though that would be a handy skill to have!) My hope is that it is at least mostly good for you here.

The way that my brain works requires me to write things down to work things out. Before blogging, I was a diligent journal writer. I have hundreds of pages of my deepest thoughts and feelings from over the years. I wrote in my journal for the same reason I write on my blog -- it is a release. It is also wonderful to be able to look over my old journals and posts, and learn from my mistakes, and sometimes I even learn from my successes. My children also love to sit in front of the computer and scroll through the history of their lives, and the silliness of their mother. (I love to catch them looking through my blog, it makes it worth it!)

However, the thing about blogging is that other people can observe your feeling-releasing, and your life views, and that can get tricky, and you risk offending. (I used to have my blog private, but felt inclined to make it public.) I know that over the many years of writing posts, I have most certainly offended, rustled feathers, caused people to cringe, and shake their head in disagreement. (Even over small things.) I know that you can look at my writing, and my world, and think I am so full of nonsense that you can hardly stand it. (I am good at being nonsensical!) I know that my blog might be a source of heartache or scoffing, if you disapprove of my personal views and attitudes on life. I am 100% sure you roll your eyes when I state an opinion that is in direct opposition with your own...

And that is OK!

We are all so very different -- with opinions as vast as the world is wide. It is OK to disagree with others. It is more than OK to disagree with me -- that is your prerogative! I do not write for the approval of the masses, I write for me. (I do not receive monetary gain from writing.) This is my world. When I write my thoughts and feelings, I have my "Mari Blinders" on. I write only what I understand and view in the moment of writing -- I do not know how it causes others to feel. I am writing my side of the story. I don't know, or understand, your side of the story -- that is for you to write! I would hope that what I share on my blog is helpful and hopeful, but that is certainly not always the case. I am not oblivious to the fact that blogs can leave you feeling stirred-up, for good or bad. I know it is true, because I feel the same when I read the blogs and opinions of people that write something I disagree with -- I can walk away from a blog feeling disgruntled and dissatisfied -- not uplifted.

But we are all in such different places in life. We are poor, we are rich, we are healthy, we are hefty, we are happy, we are sad -- but we have so much to learn from each other. And for that reason, I think blogs are a tremendous blessing! As we rub shoulders together in actual person-to-person contact, or when we rub virtual shoulders together in the blogosphere -- it can be for our good. As we look in and view the thoughts and feelings of others that we have an interest in, we learn, and we grow. You do not have to agree with someone to learn good things from them. We are here to learn how to love each other, despite our differences. But I do believe, if you look close enough -- you may find that people are not so different from each other after all.

I hope that those of you who read my blog learn something of value from my thoughts and feelings -- even if they differ from your own. My intent is never to offend, but sometimes my intent is to educate from my very personal perspective, and sometimes I write to unleash the beast of feelings from within. I would sincerely ask that if reading my blog is not a source of inspiration, enlightenment, or entertainment for you -- then please, don't waste your time reading it. It will not do you any good to look at my blog, and feel discouraged by following it. If you walk away after reading my blog posts feeling defeated and depressed, then please, please, this is not the place for you! Go find a better happy place that causes you joy. Or, better yet, create your own blog, it is very satisfying!

If, however, you are interested in my thoughts and feelings (even if you disagree), or if you are just interested in checking in on my family, and reading my Mari musings -- then you are more than welcome here in my piece of the blog world! I am open to your thoughts, and I am open to learning from you, even if we do not see eye-to-eye. I love learning, and I love learning from the insight of others. We all have such a different perspective on the world, and we all have so much we can gain from sharing our views and experiences.

We can agree to disagree, and still get along. Right?

I sure think so!

30 Things Kids Wish Their Parents Would Say and Do Better...

I sat down with 3 of my children (the ones who can speak), and I asked them some questions. I wanted to know, from their perspective, what they wish that parents would say and do better. I asked them to be thoughtful about it, and give answers that would apply to all parents. Of course, the only experience they have is with their own parents -- so the list might be indicative of things that I could personally improve on. The list is simple, but profound. As you read over the list you will see that what children really want from parents is time and attention. Is there anything greater we can give? 

30 things that parents could do better

(According to Sammi, Daniel, and William van Ormer, and in no particular order...) 

1. Make eye contact (especially when a child is speaking to you)
2. Smile
3. Really listen to me/show interest in what I am saying 
4. Give compliments on my talents and accomplishments
5. Cuddle with me during movie time
6. Go for walks as a family
7. Rub my back
8. Run your fingers through my hair (requested by my boys) 
9. Do projects together (painting, creating things, even yard work) 
10. Color with me
11. Build train tracks with me
12. Take us camping 
13. Tell me I am handsome 
14. Bake cookies more often
15. Play catch together in the backyard
16. Take us to throw rocks in the river
17. Take us to the park
18. Tell me I am AWESOME! 
19. Watch movies that everyone likes
20. Sing with me
21. Tell me stories about when you were young
22. Make good dinners (NOT Borscht) 
23. Don't freakout when we lose the remote
24. Don't play on your phone when we are watching movies together
25. Help me with my homework
26. Let us build blanket forts in the living room
27. Braid my hair (requested by my girl)
28. Come to my games and concerts
29. Encourage me, and say nice things about me
30. Don't shout so much

Well, looks like someone has a little bit of work to do . . . someone, like me! 

Worth the Wait

I made a deal with my kids. Years ago, I determined that the children in our house would have to wait to participate in Sports/Music/Dance, etc. I have always been a believer in less is more when it comes to overburdening/over-scheduling young children. (There will be plenty of overburdening activities when they are teenagers, trust me! Yikes!) 

My rule has been (and will continue to be) that once school activities start (which is 5th grade here) they can do whatever activities they want, and I will support them 100%. The system has worked-out beautifully so far. I have the children while they are small and precious -- with no extra activities -- and then they can go full-steam ahead when they are old enough to choose what they want to do. So far the waiting to play rule has had no adverse affects on the children -- they have certainly not been behind when it comes to sports and music. Actually, they tend to have so much pent-up eagerness to play, that they go into their activities with full energy and gusto! (That was all part of my plan…good things come to those who wait.) 

This year is Daniel's turn to begin activities. He is in 5th grade. He has chosen to play the trumpet, and basketball. He loves doing both. He really loves both! He especially loves blowing on his horn late in the evening. Do you know how loud a trumpet is in a small 2 bedroom house? He got a mute as a Christmas present. 

Daniel had his first basketball game ever -- it was his first time in organized sports of any kind. He loved it, and he did pretty darn good. The boys were all still trying to figure the game out, so it was pretty entertaining. Daniel did great with getting his hands on the ball. He was all over the ball, and into the game. (They do not keep score, and there were very few baskets made.) After the game, Sammi gave him a few pointers -- like maybe not stopping at the half court line, and taking the ball all the way to the basket. (Sammi played for 2 years, so she fancies herself a pro.) He actually thanked her for her advice, and said he will do it next time. They have a game tomorrow, so we'll see if he listens to his sister. The games get a lot more exciting when the kids start making baskets. 

It is always fun to watch the kiddos having a good time. I have a feeling there will be many more basketball games in the future! 

As grandma requested, here are some game pictures . . . 

 The cheer squad.

 Henry was mesmerized by the ball.

I love this picture. It is blurry, but it is like a foreshadowing of teenage Daniel -- A.K.A. Captain America. I sure love this kid. He is pretty awesome, and I am not just saying that cause I am his mother.   There is just something special about Dan the Man. Yep, he is a pretty cool guy.

I Love the Temple

All the images are of temples I have been to. (The Church currently has 141 temples in operation.) 

Boise, ID Temple (Image from www.lds.org) 

We went to the temple on Friday night. It had been far too long for us, and a trip to The House of the Lord was long overdue. Every time I enter the beautiful building, I always feel a sense of peace and purpose. The world can seem so dark and chaotic, and then you enter the temple full of light, peace, and order -- it is extremely spiritually uplifting, and strengthening. What a blessing it is to have the temple to go to as an escape from the cares of the world. I needed to go and receive light, and peace. It was so wonderful, I cannot wait to go back again, as soon as I can. 

Anchorage, Alaska Temple (image from www.lds.org.) 

St. George, Utah (image by www.lds.org)

We had the opportunity to go and do temple work for Charles' family. It was a very beautiful night, and we shed many tears of joy. It was very special because we have both looked into the history of those whose work we performed. We knew some details about their lives, and it made the experience very personal. It was especially meaningful for Charles because it was his family line (Charles is a convert to the Church) and many of the names were "van Ormer" names. He has worked very diligently over the years on his family history, and it was a real joy to be there with him to see his work come to fruition. We could not help but smile when we did the work for people like Captain William van Ormer, and Reverend Abraham Bunn van Ormer, and their families. We know so much about them, and knowing who they are made the experience very powerful. What a unique and precious experience it was! 

Bountiful, Utah Temple (image from www.lds.org) 

When you take your own family names, it makes a world of difference in the experiences that you have. You are literally linking your generations together, and helping those who have gone on to receive the blessings that are so special and precious to us. I think Friday night was likely one of my most profound temple experiences -- it was like nothing I had felt or experienced before. 

Charles and I spent our time in the Sealing room, linking his family generations together forever. It was a very sweet experience to be there with him, and others who were willing to serve and give their time and energy. I love to look around and see everyone dressed in white, we all work together in the cause of the Lord, as equals before Him. The temple is such a pure and holy place, this time I really felt the separation from the world -- the contrast seemed very extreme -- and I felt such a strength from being surrounded by the beauty that exists in The House of the Lord. 

Idaho Falls, Idaho Temple (image from www.lds.org)

What do people do in the temple? (From www.lds.org.)

In the temple we are taught, we make covenants, and we are promised blessings. We receive ordinances that enable us to live in the presence of God.

One ordinance we receive in the temple is the endowment. The word endowment means “gift” or “bestowal.” As part of this ordinance, we are taught about the purpose of life, the mission and Atonement of Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father’s plan for His children. We gain a glimpse of what it will be like to live in His presence as we feel the peaceful atmosphere of the temple.

Another temple ordinance is the sealing ordinance, in which husbands and wives are sealed to each other and children are sealed to their parents in eternal families. This means that if we are faithful to our covenants, our family relationships will continue for eternity.

In addition to receiving these ordinances for ourselves, we can receive them for our deceased ancestors. In this way, people who died without receiving essential ordinances such as baptism and confirmation, the endowment, and sealing have the opportunity to accept these ordinances.

Jordan River Temple (image by www.lds.org)

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I value family relationships above all things. I want everyone to be able to partake in the blessings that come from temple ordinances, and to have eternal family relationships. I desire more than "until death do us part" -- I want to be together as family forever, and I want everyone to have the same blessing that comes from being sealed in the temple, by the proper authority. 

Manti, Utah Temple (image from www.lds.org)

When we perform work for those who have passed away it is done by proxy. We "stand in" for those who did not have the opportunity to have the ordinances done for themselves while on the earth -- ordinances such as baptism. (See: HERE for images of the inside of the temple.) The work that goes on in the temple is not secret but sacred, and so we treat our discussions about the temple with great reverence and respect. 

Portland, Oregon Temple (image from www.lds.org.) 

Even though we do the temple work for individuals that have passed on, they always have the ability to choose whether or not they will accept the work done on their behalf. Those who have gone on will always have their agency. They do not have to accept the work done on their behalf, they are free to reject it. But we feel strongly about allowing all to have their work done, so that they can choose whether they will partake in the blessings of eternal life, or not. Heavenly Father wants all of His children to have the blessings of the temple, but above everything else, He has always protected our agency -- the power to choose. 

Mesa, Arizona Temple (image from www.lds.org.) 

The work done in the temple is very beautiful and sacred. I love attending the temple, and serving in The House of the Lord. It provides a great sense of peace and strength in my life that I cannot find any other way. I am eternally grateful for the temple, and the glorious work that goes on within the sacred walls. 

Salt Lake City, Utah Temple (image www.lds.org)

*If you are not familiar with why Mormons do temple work go: Here for more information. The link has wonderful information and images too. 

San Diego, California (image from www.lds.org)

Provo, Utah Temple (image from www.lds.org)

Twin Falls, Idaho Temple (image from www.lds.org) 

Spokane, Washington Temple (image from www.lds.org) 

For more images of temples around the world click: HERE

Silly Willy

Sometimes kids say the silliest things. William is one of those silly children. I was talking to his primary teacher at church, and she told me one of the cute things he said.

One Sunday she called him by name, and his response was:

"How did you recognize me? I am wearing different shoes."

I know when I wear different shoes to church I wonder the same thing.

The Power of Words

I love quotes. I love it when I come across a quote -- a few short words pieced together just right -- that causes me to think, or to feel uplifted, or that pricks my very soul. Words are powerful. They can be a great power for good, or for evil. I have learned that lesson far too many times, on a personal level. "The pen is mightier than the sword," is a very profound statement.

Though words can be dangerous, they can also be very, very, beautiful. And when they are put together just right, they can make your heart soar, and move you to action. Consider that it is the written word that we religious folk live and die for. It is the written word that God has given us to draw ourselves closer to Him. It is the written word that often causes us to change who we are.

Along with the scriptures, and reading the word of God, I love to find beautiful quotes that are deeply, and profoundly, meaningful to me. I feel that knowing a person's favorite quotes allows you to know their heart a little better. As you gather your favorite quotes in one place, you can see what makes your heart stir, and what gets the fire in your soul burning. You should try quote-gathering, it is very insightful -- a window into who you really are.

I have many favorites, but for today, here are some quotes from a few masters of the written word . . . these quotes prick my soul. And maybe they will help you understand me better . . . they are all handpicked, on purpose.

Quotes by C.S. Lewis: 

"Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important."

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way."

"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil." 

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." 

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” 

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” 

“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.”

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” 

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” 

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” 

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” 

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” 

“He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.” 

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”

“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?” 

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” 

"We meet no ordinary people in our lives."

“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.” 

“Nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours.” 

“When you argue against Him (God) you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on.” 

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” 

“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” 

“To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?” 

“If God 'foresaw' our acts, it would be very hard to understand how we could be free not to do them. But suppose god is outside and above the Time-line... You never supposed that your actions at this moment were any less free because God knows what you are doing. Well, He knows your tomorrow's actions in just the same way--because He is already in tomorrow and can simply watch you. In a sense, He does not know your action till you have done it: but the moment at which you have done it is already 'NOW' for Him.” 

“It is better to forget about yourself altogether.” 

“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turn, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.” 

“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call "ourselves," to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be "good.” 

"Now is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It won't last forever. We must take it or leave it.” 

Favorite Quotes by J.R.R. Tolkien: 

“Fair speech may hide a foul heart.” 

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." 

"It is perilous to study too deeply the arts of the Enemy, for good or for ill.”

“End? No, it doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one which we must all take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass… And then you see it… White shores, and beyond, a far green country, under a swift sunrise.”

"Darkness must pass, a new day will come. And when the sun shines. It will shine out the clearer." 

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." 

"The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater." 

"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish." 

"A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it." 

"It is useless to meet revenge with revenge. It will heal nothing." 

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." 

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." 

"Little by little, one travels far." 

"It's a dangerous business going out your front door." 

"There is some good in this world, and it is worth fighting for!" 

"I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." 

"Where there's life there's hope." 

"What does your heart tell you?"

And my number one favorite quote: 

"Living by faith includes the call to something greater than cowardly self-preservation." 

Everyone is Welcome at Church!

I know that there are people who do not feel welcome at Church. There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case, but more often than not -- it is because of disappointing interactions with people. Over the years I have had contact with people that have been offended for one reason or another, and it prevents them from feeling comfortable within the walls of the Lord's house. It is a sad thing, but I have come to really empathize with those who feel this way. Who wants to go to church to be forgotten, or offended? No one does!

The thing is, when we go to church, we can all have our "blinders" on. When I enter the church building, I am usually taking a deep breath after the storm that raged while getting all 6 of us showered, dressed, and out the door on time. I am lucky if I can remember to smile after the morning tornado of church clothes, flat irons, and Cheerios. Now that I think about it, I can only remember a handful of smooth-running Sunday mornings. We love church, so we carryout our organized chaos from home to the church building. We will never stop getting ready for church, as long as we live.

My heart is always welcoming to everyone that comes through the church doors. I try to match my face to show that, but sometimes I am just trying to keep myself calm, while my children teach me the meaning of patience. But smiles, saying "Hello," and being friendly can be very important to those around us. It can mean the world to people! We all carry with us heavy burdens, and kindness and warmth can really help to lighten the load. I have found that kindness given -- and kindness received -- can work wonders for the aching soul.

There is no "one size fits all" at church. We are all different. There is not a "Mormon mold" we have to fit into. (Check out http://mormon.org/people to see how different Mormons can be!) We can be as different as apples and bananas -- but we are all still the fruit of God. We all come from a vast array of different places, perspectives, political views, and backgrounds. But despite our differences, those who come to church all have one thing in common -- we love the gospel! And by going to church we are showing our devotion to our faith, and our Heavenly Father.

Sometimes our differences can get in the way of our similarities, but it does not have to be that way. We all have so much to learn from each other -- good and bad -- and we can help each other by working together, and by working together we end up shaping ourselves into who we are meant to become.

So, regardless of whether or not people are warm and welcoming -- church is for everyone.  Church is for the saint, and the sinner. (Thank goodness!) We go to church to heal our broken spirits, and we go to help others heal too. We go to church to serve, love, and give. We do not go to church to judge, and be judged. We do not go to offend, and be offended. We go to church because we love Jesus, and His gospel, and we want to participate in the Sacrament made available by His ultimate sacrifice. We go to church to worship God, despite our imperfections, our frailties, and our differences.

Despite our differences, we all belong at church. Because we are all God's children. He loves us more than we can ever fully understand, or comprehend. His gospel is truth, and we all need it in our lives.

I loved this quote by Elder Uchtdorf:

"If you expect to find perfect people here, you will be disappointed. But if you seek the pure doctrine of Christ, the word of God “which healeth the wounded soul,” and the sanctifying influence of the Holy Ghost, then here you will find them. In this age of waning faith—in this age when so many feel distanced from heaven’s embrace—here you will find a people who yearn to know and draw closer to their Savior by serving God and fellowmen, just like you. Come, join with us!" (For full text go: HERE) 

To the saint and the sinner: If you feel like you are not warmly welcomed at church by the people -- come anyway! It is the house of the Lord. The people are not perfect, but the gospel of Jesus Christ is. And I can guarantee that He warmly welcomes you, with open arms, always.

No matter who you are, no matter what burdens you carry -- Jesus loves you!

Come to church for Him!