Angels Among Us

There are angels among us, did you know? I have met them! One of those angels brought this beautiful (handmade!) Nativity, as a gift for our family last night.  It is such a treasure, and will always be treasured by our family. I may have to leave it out all year long . . .

These angels are taking us to Lutheran Church with them, on Christmas Eve. We Mormons are celebrating Christmas Lutheran-style! Yahoo! I am really excited about it. They light candles, sing beautiful songs, and everything! I am really looking forward to it. Their daughter called what they do on Christmas, "The Superbowl of Church." I loved that.

I love Jesus. I love it when other people love Jesus. And there is nothing better than loving Jesus together, no matter WHAT religion you claim as your own. My Lutheran friends are some of the most charitable, Christlike, and loving people I have ever met in my life. They have reminded me how to really love, and I am so grateful for their family in our lives. They are truly followers of Jesus. We have a lot to learn from them!

Their angelic gift was so timely. They brought amazing treats, too, which were gobbled-up too quickly to take a picture of! They were beautiful treats though --Yum!

I am so grateful for the angels among us.

So, very, grateful!

And to the many friends and family that expressed their love and concern over my blog post yesterday through, calls, notes, comments, texts, etc. -- I thank you! It meant the world to me. I especially loved my dear Mother's text of, "So, who do I need to take out?" Loved it. Thanks mom. I am glad you have my back! I am feeling much better, and I will post an update on my strange drama in the near future.

For now I am looking to find a piece of jewelry -- a ring, or a necklace, or something that says: "Don't Judge," or "Judge Not," or something like it? Something I can wear daily to remind me of the lessons I have learned, that I don't want to forget.

Judge Me Not, Please?

I am not perfect. I am quite far from perfection, I think that is pretty obvious. I am so far from it, it can hurt severely, sometimes. I try not to think about how far from glorious that I am, I just try my best each day to survive, just like everyone else. I walk this earth, trudging my way through, seeking the light, trying to be good.  

I am coming to the conclusion that people misjudge me all the time, without knowing me. Whether I am judged by my appearance, or my actions -- I do not know. I do put myself on display here on my blog for a handful of hundreds of people to see. If you read my blog, you likely know me better than most -- but still, no one REALLY knows me, not really. I am but a shadow to most -- an illusion of what I want you to see. You get the "performance version" of me. You get the sparkly masquerade mask. 

There is only One person who knows me completely -- even into the deep caverns of my soul -- and that is my Heavenly Father. He knows me. He knows everything about me. I would be so alone without Him. 

What brings this on, you ask? Well, I will tell you, because this is my blog, and this is my place to release, and hopefully my place to try and recover, and maybe even my place to warn others to learn from my life experiences. . .   

I do not like drama. I just don't have a lot of energy for it. This is probably why I purposefully have so few close friends. I do not have a lot of myself to offer, and I can get bogged-down and overwhelmed by drama, and gossip that seems to come from being really social. When you get together with people you talk, sometimes you talk about people,  and sometimes people gossip about other people. It happens. 

I take things that people tell me seriously, I consider myself a pretty good listener. I love people, I care about people deeply. I can only handle so much social-stuff now that I am a Mother of 4. My energy is already spent. My cup is full. My social-capacity is growing thin. Not because I don't love people -- or love to be with them -- because I do, I really do.  I just love my family the most. 

So, before I go on, let me repeat, I do not like drama. But that is what I have been dealing with the last few days. I have recently been reminded of my desire to become a social-hermit, and stay snuggled in my home, with my family, safe and warm. However, it seems that drama will find me, whether I go out, or stay in . . . 

I was recently accused of being someone that I am not. At least, I was accused of being someone I hope I am not!  

I received an out-of-the-blue, very unexpected message, and I had some pretty harsh accusations thrown in my lap -- accusations of being someone completely opposite of who I try to be. It was crushing to me. I have cried for 2 days. I can pretty much cry on demand at this point -- my moxie has been shattered. I suggest if you want to knock me down, do it now, I am already low. If you have a beef with me, just let it out now -- you will certainly win. 

I am not easily offended, not really. I have pretty thick skin that protects my overly-sensitive core. I can let most things slide, and move on. But this hurts. 

I will share with you some words that were said to me, so that you will understand why I hurt so badly. Please realize these words were written to me over a misunderstanding . . . that I am trying to resolve.  

This was the line that cut me to the core: 

"I had always pictured you as someone above the petty things, who tried to be Christlike and see the good in the world and in others and I'm saddened to find out I was completely wrong about you."

These words have been playing-over in my mind, like a broken record, for the last few days -- tormenting my soul, and filling my eyes with tears, and my heart with pain. I even had to sing in church yesterday, while trying not to lose it completely, standing in front of everyone, while feeling small and defeated. I am glad I learned how to put on a happy face when I was little, I have needed my happy-mask the last few days. 

The mask works fine for those looking at me on the outside, but there is no mask for the pain caused to my spirit by this declaration and judgement of my integrity. I am pretty sure there are no words that would hurt worse than these. Ouch. Eternal ouch. 

My heart has been wounded. Seriously wounded. I will recover with time. But I am fragile right now. I cry myself to sleep. It is the pain of being on the receiving end of petty gossip and judgements. And let me tell you, it hurts. And I am ready to declare social-hermit status. 

Again, this was over a misunderstanding, and wrongful judgements. So unexpected, and so strange for me -- this kind of thing has never happened to me before. 

I have learned a lot of valuable lessons.

So, why do I share this sensitive topic here? Because I want you (and me) to learn from it!

This pain is caused by gossip, judging, assumptions, and false accusations. I never knew the pain of judging until now. I never knew what it was like on the other end of gossip. I know it now. And I would say to you, and to me . . .  

STOP IT!  

Stop judging. Stop gossiping. Stop assuming. Stop talking about other people, unless it is to LIFT them up. I am as guilty as the next person, and I hope I have learned my lesson.  

Do you enjoy judging others? Well, stop it NOW.  

If you want to gossip and chatter about others with me, I won't do it. 

Not anymore.

Christmas Cookies

I finally felt the desire to make a mess, and bake some cookies. The baking-bug has just not been in me this year, which is probably for the best. However, I thought it would be nice for my kids to come home to freshly baked Christmas cookies. I was right. When they walked through the door they were ecstatic to see a plate of yummy treats waiting for them. William, who is 6, completely freaked out and said, "Thank you Mommy! Thank you Mommy!" So, it was worth the mess and the effort. I also left some unfrosted so they could decorate their own cookies -- of course they loved that. Who doesn't love to pile on their own frosting and sprinkles? 

I decided to make Sour Cream Sugar Cookies. They turned out really awesomely yummy. I was pleased with them. The trick with these cookies is to mix the dough, but then kneed it until it is nice and smooth. And then roll out the dough nice and thick so they are fluffy and yummy, not hard and gross. I should have taken pictures of the mixing process, but my hands were too messy. 

It was fun to make the kids happy. I am always amazed at the power of a cookie to bring a smile to the face! 

Sour Cream Sugar Cookies 

3 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup butter
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Frosting: 2 Options

Option 1. 
Go to the store and by Cream Cheese frosting from a can to make them EXTRA yummy. I wish I would have done that! 

Option 2. 
Basic Vanilla Frosting (What I did)

3 Cups of Powdered Sugar

1/3 cup of butter (softened, not melted)

1 teaspoon of vanilla 

2 tbsp of milk 

Cookie Directions: 

1. Sift together flour, baking soda, and salt in bowl and set aside.
2. Cream butter sugar, egg and vanilla. Beat 2 minutes.
3. Add sour cream and beat well. (Sour cream makes them taste yummy!)
4. Add dry ingredient mix (flour, baking soda, and salt) and blend well.

5. Get your hands dirty! Kneed the dough by hand, until smooth. 
6. Roll on a floured board.  Make sure they are nice and thick -- not too thin. 
7. Pick out your cookie cutters, and make fun shaped cookies. 
8. Bake on greased cookie sheet at 325°F for 12 minutes.

9. Let cookies cool on the pan, while you make frosting.

Frosting Directions: 

1. Mix powdered sugar and butter on low. 

2. Add vanilla and enough milk until you reach your desired consistency. 

3. Taste it to make sure it is acceptably delicious.  

Remove the cookies from the pan. Frost and decorate your cookies and ENJOY! 

Yum! Yum! 

* These pictures are a perfect example of how blogger distorts images. In my original, the background is all black, accept the golden lights, and the sprinkles on the in-focus cookies are crystal clear. Aargh. Oh well, you get the idea, I suppose. I think blogger just likes lighter images. 

These cookies were seriously awesome. The sour cream made ALL the difference!

Good Morning Starshine, The Earth Says Hello!

What gets you out of bed in the morning? I have noticed as the days grow colder and darker, my bed gets warmer and cozier, and my desire to get out of bed grows smaller. It seems to take a superhuman effort just to rise and shine forth everyday. (Okay, so maybe I just rise, shining is pushing it!)

I have never really been a morning person -- you can ask anyone in my family, they know. I am woman of the night! All of my energy comes surging through my body at around 8:00pm in the evening. I usually feel wide-awake and ready to go as the day grows to a close, but in the morning . . . I am at a loss! I have decided that there is plenty of time in the day, there is just not enough time in the night!

I can hop out of bed a lot easier in the summer when it is hot, but winter, well, winter brings out my Alaskan-hibernation instinct. I just want to get warm, and stay warm! Right now, the first thing I have to do when I wake-up is drive in the car for about 40 minutes to take kids to school. It is dark when I am driving, and freezing, and sometimes the flashing red car-blinker lights can be so hypnotizing . . . but I have to be alert and awake on the drive to the junior high -- it can be an adventure in the parking lot!

So what does it for you?

What motivates you to pull yourself from under the covers and face the new day? What causes you to be alert and happy in the morning? What puts a sparkle in your morning eye?

Is it exercise? Is it oatmeal? Is it the anticipation of seeing your children's sweet faces? Perhaps it is a green power-smoothie, or a chance to the see the sunrise, or maybe you just cannot wait to wake-up and read my blog?

What gets you going?

As the mornings grow more difficult for me to face, I find myself understanding why so many people drink coffee to "wake-up". I am Mormon, I don't drink coffee. Plus, even if I weren't Mormon, it really isn't good for you, so I probably would not drink it anyway. And I always will be Mormon, so drinking coffee is never an option, so I have to think of something else!

Coffee is out of the question for me, but I am growing sympathetic to the reasoning behind needing a "jolt" first thing in the morning to get you going . . .

So what is your "jolt"? What makes you hop happily out of bed each morning? I am really curious about this, and looking for some motivation. I don't have a jolt. I just slug my way around until I finally come-to while I am driving the kids to school like a zombie-mom. You can ask my kids, they'll tell you -- ZOMBIE!  

Oh, but don't tell me to exercise first thing in the morning, cause early morning exercise is not going to happen. I workout after I get home from dropping the kids off at school. I am looking for something else . . . something, I don't know . . .  what do you got?  HMmmmmm???

If you don't have any inspiration for me, then I will have to settle on waking-up with the words of, "Good Morning Starshine," in my head. I am pretty sure these are the best. lyrics. ever. You just can't beat lines like, "Giddy glub gloopy nubby nibby noopy." (Whoa, my spellcheck went crazy with those words!) I mean, come on? This is good stuff! Whoever it was that wrote such articulate lyrics is brilliant!

If you don't know this song then google, "Good Morning Starshine," to listen to it.

Good morning star shine, the earth says hello
You twinkle above us, we twinkle below

Good morning star shine, you lead us along
My love and me as we sing our
Early morning singin' song

Gliddy glub gloopy nibby nabby noopy
La la la, lo lo
Sabba sibbi sabba nooby aba naba
Lee lee, lo lo
Tooby ooby wala
Nooby aba naba
Early morning singin' song

Good morning star shine, the earth says hello
You twinkle above us, we twinkle below
Good morning star shine, you lead us along
My love and me as we sing our
Early morning singin' song

Gliddy glub gloopy nibby nabby noopy
La la la, lo lo
Sabba sibbi sabba nooby aba naba
Lee lee, lo lo
Tooby ooby wala
Nooby aba naba
Early morning singin' song

Singin' a song, hummin' a song
Singin' a song
Lovin' a song, laughin' a song

Singing a song

Sing the song
Song the sing
Song, song, song sing
Sing, sing, sing song

Song, song, song sing
Sing, sing, sing song

See, I told you, this song is brilliant! You are welcome for this song now stuck in your head. :-) 

So what does it for you? What makes you pop-up like toast in the morning, and prance around like a fairy princess all day? I really want to know! 

Baby, It's COLD Outside!

It has been FREEZING outside! We have had the hardest time keeping it warm in our house, our furnace is really struggling. It started with snow on Saturday, which also kept us from our annual Christmas visit to our friends (The Holdens) house to make gingerbread houses. We were bummed about that. Especially since EVERY time we try to get together, someone gets sick, or some weather disaster seems to happen! (They live about an hour away, so it is a bit of a journey.) With the snow came a cold snap where we saw -6 degrees! Brrrrrr! You think it wouldn't phase me, being from Alaska, but cold is cold, ya know?! I am glad we have our fireplace space heater, it really does help, in the living room, at least! 

Whenever it snows the kids rush to get out in it. This last snow was powdery and not great for snowmen or anything -- just dust. But they still enjoyed playing. Sammi even shoveled the sidewalks in our neighborhood, and she said that made her feel good, all warm and cozy, from doing a service. 

We spent the snowy day on Saturday cleaning and organizing our house. We got some new furniture for our room which doubles as an office. We needed it to be more organized, I help Charles from home with both his Law firm and Real Estate, which he is going to delve into more heavily this coming year. My desk has four sections: Home, Photography, Law, and Real Estate. Having it orderly makes it really pleasant. I will do a blog on that another day... I don't have any pictures of it yet. Did I mention I love helping Charles run the business? We are a good team. 

In other news, we found out last night that our Church building flooded. From what I have heard it started in the Relief Society room, and flowed throughout the building, including the Sacrament meeting room. It is sad! We have been displaced, and we will be farming our ward out to other buildings for awhile until everything is repaired. Just in time for the holidays. If there is one thing I know though, it is that good can come out of bad situations . . . I wonder what the blessing will be from this tragedy? I am excited to find out. :-) 

The holidays are coming quickly upon us and I have not delivered one plate of cookies to anyone?! What is wrong with me? We haven't had any brought to us either? What is going on this year people? Not in the baking mood? Maybe Saturday . . . I have to at least make some Christmas cookies. 

I hope you are staying warm and enjoying the season! Brrrrrrrr!!!!!! 

I just LOVE being able to see the Church Steeple from our yard -- it was one of the reasons I chose this house. I love our backyard view! We are VERY lucky to have our backyard neighbors on acres of land and far away from us! And we can see the foothills, too! It is so beautiful on winter days. I love where our house is located. Which is why we are thinking of adding on . . . maybe in the Spring! 

9 Months Without a Church Calling

I have not had a Church calling since April. (A "calling" is a formal Church assignment, inspired by God, given to members of the Church. For example, a calling can be: Sunday school teacher, working with the youth, leading music, playing the organ, temple worker, passing out the programs, serving as the Bishop, and ALL other offices of the church from serving in Nursery to the Prophet. The Church operates with volunteers at the helm.) 

Prior to this time, I think the longest I have ever gone without a calling is about a month, maybe?

Now, you might think that I am concerned about it -- worried that I am not needed, or unimportant to the cause of moving the work forward. That is not the case. I have actually been enjoying my lovely calling-respite. Charles and I have both had time together as family during the week, and on Sundays. We have had a season of relative peace, and it has been wonderful! We have enjoyed it very much. And after our last few years of strange home moves, baby illnesses, and business changes --  it has been a much needed respite, and recovery time.

Before we moved out of our home ward for a year (that we are back in now), Charles was the Young Men's President -- a very involved calling, requiring a lot of time and effort. He loved his calling, and he was in calling-heaven being with the boys. He got to go camping, and do all sorts of fun things. It took a lot of time, yes, but our family was tremendously blessed for it. He was actually called to that calling the exact same time he started his own Law firm. It was a scary time for our family, but we saw miracles in many forms. Too many miracles to number. It was inspired timing.

We were also Youth Pioneer Trek parents at the same time, which required lots of planning, meetings, activities, and preparation -- spiritually and physically. I was also a Relief Society teacher at the time (best calling EVER!), so that made it nice, as far as time needed from me. All I had to do was prepare a Sunday lesson. We had 3 young children, and so we were kept quite busy, as it were.

We were so involved, with lots of people. We had firesides in our home, and constant people knocking on our door all the time. It was a time filled with a lot of work, but it was also a very invigorating, and enlivening time.  It is funny how service can do that for you. I actually had a personal blessing right before all of the people-involvement that stated, "Your life will soon be full of people." I saw that blessing literally unveiled before my eyes -- we had people around us everywhere! Mostly in the form of teenagers -- which are my favorite kind of people!

It was an awesome time. So lively, and exciting. It was a special time -- we will never forget it.

But it is so different now . . . a very different time. I would say our life is not really full of people like it once was. It is quiet. It is restful. It is, well, a unique and different time and season for our family.

Right now Charles is with the young Scouts, which is basically a Tuesday night calling, and I am currently without a calling. And it has, honestly, been strange! We went from massive amounts of people, and involvement -- to hearing crickets. The contrast is almost comical. Though it has not been an unwelcome difference, as life has taken on a hastened speed lately. It has felt like we have been riding a carousel, that keeps going faster and faster, and we cannot get off!

I met with a member of our Bishopric not too long ago, and they mentioned being sympathetic to our families needs, with Henry's health issues, etc., in regards to not extending a calling to me. And though the health issues hardly cross my mind, and our family is actually in a really good way right now, I have still felt this time without a calling has not been without reason. I still feel like this "callingless" time has been inspired. I have had time to learn and grow in ways -- even unexpected ways -- by not having a formal assignment.

I have tried not to sit spiritually-twiddling my thumbs. I have tried to find other ways to serve in my sphere, with my emphasis being on Family History work. (I am almost to 3000 names indexed! WooHoo!) There is always work to be done -- with, or without, a specific calling.

However, I do think Church callings help you grow in very specific ways. I have always felt like when I receive a call to an assignment, that it is almost like a way of defining where I am at during that specific time in my life. I do believe that callings are inspired of God, and that those who are extending the callings are inspired as well.

I do try to fulfill whatever call I am given, to the best of my ability at the time.

There has been only one time in my life where I have had to ask to be released from a calling. It was during the same time when Charles was the Young Men's President, and we were involved in the Pioneer Youth Trek. During this time -- before being called as a Relief Society teacher -- I was called to be the Primary girls Activity Day leader. I fulfilled the calling for awhile, until I felt utterly overwhelmed -- to the point of exhaustion. All of our callings involved lots of activity planning and preparation, and middle-of-the-week involvement from both of us, and we were also trying to keep our business running (I help Charles with the business from home) -- not to mention nurturing little children that live in our home.  I had been stretched too far, for where I was mentally and physically, at the time.

I can remember lying in my bed crying over it, actually. I struggled against myself, until I decided it was time to go and talk to the Bishop about my concerns. And guess what the kind Bishop said? Before I could finish my tear-filled sentence, he told me I would be released right away, and that I should not worry about it for one second. He then shared some comforting words with me, and lifted my aching spirit. I felt a HUGE relief as I went home that night. My anxiety was gone. We have an awesome Bishop, who is very thoughtful, and concerned for the welfare of all. He lifted my burden quickly, and I felt NO guilt for admitting I was not capable at the time, to handle everything. Superwoman I am NOT!

Besides that experience, I have accepted every calling I have received. And I have been blessed for it. What does the future hold in the way of callings? I have no idea . . . I'd like to say I have an inkling, or have been leaning my thoughts one way, or another, towards where I might go -- but that is not the case. Well, maybe I have had some thoughts about a certain calling, but it was just a quick flicker of an image, really. A little vision that popped in my head -- but it was probably nothing. ;-)

Right now, we have just had a HUGE ward change. We have almost doubled the amount of people that attend, and there are changes all around, in every aspect of the ward, many callings will change. So it leaves me a little anxious to know if maybe, just maybe -- I might have something coming my way too!

One thing I know about myself is I am not a leader -- I am a teacher. I have never held a leadership calling, ever. I have almost always been a teacher. Being a teacher is what I love the most!

Here is a list of callings I have had...

Primary Music Chorister (I was 19 at the time!)
Primary Teacher:  Nursery-to 12 year olds -- I have taught every.single.age.
Young Women's: 2nd Counselor
Young Women's: Beehive Advisor
Young Women's: Laurel Advisor
Young Women's Secretary
Youth Sunday School Teacher
Relief Society Teacher
Visiting Teaching Coordinator
Ward Activities Coordinator
Pioneer Youth Trek Parent

I am a teacher at heart. I would stink as someone in charge. There are women made for that role, and it is not me. But teaching . . . LOVE it! 

I am sure I am one of many in our ward wondering where I will end up next. And it is always an exciting time to wonder what calling you will be asked to fulfill . . . it is exciting to wondering where God needs you.

I should know . . .  I have been excited for 9 months. ;-) 

Makeup: To Wear, or Not to Wear -- That is the Question.

I was recently told by a friend that I don't need to wear so much eye-makeup. I am not going to mention any names, to protect the innocent, but let's just say her name might rhyme with Shmelissa. I was not offended by her thoughts of less is more for me, she was not calling me ugly or anything -- I think it was quite the opposite. She was trying to tell me that I am so amazingly beautiful, that I should go makeup free, and flaunt it. Right, Shmelissa? 

She is not the only one who has told me to ditch the eyeliner. On Sunday mornings, I get ready in the mirror with my 12 year old daughter. There have been countless times where Sammi has told me she likes me better without makeup. She claims I look more like "mom" that way, and that I look "normal." I can't help but chuckle over having a teenage daughter advising her mother to ditch the makeup! Ha! (This is the same girl who gets mad at me if I photoshop any zits off her face, because she says her zits are part of who she is!) Who is this girl? I mean really? Talk about confidence!

After having the discussions with my friend and daughter, I decided I should take the less-is-more suggestions to Charles, to see what he would think. As a creature of habit, I have done my makeup the same for about 15 years, or more! I had never really considered changing my ways.

So, a few Sundays ago, I put on mascara and no eyeliner, and I sat in front of Charles and asked him how I looked without the thicker eye-makeup. (I usually only get dolled-up when I go out, or on Sundays.) I told him to be honest, which he always is with me, and that is why I love him. He took a good look at my face, and he determined that I looked washed-out and tired. Which is what I thought, too -- my eyes felt naked. And that is what almost everyone says when they see me without makeup, "Are you OK? Are you tired? Are you sick?" they ask. "No, I'm just not wearing makeup!" After his proper assessment, I ran back into the bathroom, and finished caking-on the rest of my eyeliner, and I felt whole again. I felt like me again. And Charles, well, let's just say that made him happy. He loves the way I do my eyes. They are the same eyes he fell in love with, all those 14 years ago...

When Charles met me I had spunky hair, and I wore loads of makeup. I put on my best display of me. And as we all know, guys marry girls and never want them to change, while girls marry guys and hope that they will change. Usually the opposite happens. But as women, I think it is kind of false-advertising to be all flashy and alluring -- like bait on a hook -- and then "let it all go" once you caught them, don't you? Even though I may not always be "flashy and alluring", I am always on a quest to be a better me -- not just give-up, throw in the towel, and go full-on frump, on purpose.

Now, don't get me wrong, Charles loves me regardless of whether or not I smear tar on my lashes, or dab powder on my face. Most of the time I am sporting the all-natural look. If you came over today I would be sporting yesterdays eye-makeup! I am not saying you have to paint on makeup everyday of the week, but when you can -- go for it! Make yourself as beautiful as you can be.

I think makeup -- especially eye-makeup -- is wonderful! I have seen it transform plain to pretty, and washed-out to WOW! Even just a little can make a HUGE difference in how you look and feel. I know it can transform me. Add a little brushing through the rats-nest, and magic happens!

I am afraid, dear friend, and dear daughter -- my eye-makeup is here to stay! What can I do? Charles likes it -- so he wins. And, well, I like it too!  I am sure I will be one of those adorable little old ladies who still puts thick eyeliner on top of the wrinkles. Yep, that will be me.

So what do you think?  What is your opinion?

How do you feel about makeup? Do you love it, or hate it? Is less more, or more even better?!

I know you have an opinion!

And I know you are out there . . . and I know you are reading this. :-)