Having the "Talk"

The following may not be suitable for children. 

The Birds and the Bees. What a wonderful topic. One of my favorite topics, really. Especially for Family Home Evening. There is nothing like talking about the proper use of the physical body to bring out giggles, and rosy-red cheeks.

Last night, Charles felt compelled that we should hold a Family Home Evening (FHE) lesson on: The Law of Chastity. 

On Sunday, Sammi had a Bishop's interview for graduating from Primary into Young Women's. (She is almost 12.) One of the questions involved the "Law of Chastity". When asked if she knew what chastity was, she said she thought to herself, "You mean, charity?" Hmmmm . . . not quite the same thing. The Bishop had me come into the office with Sammi, and he recommended having a lesson about chastity with our family.

Now, we have had the "Birds and the Bees" talk many times before. But I do not know that we ever called it by the name of "chastity". I know when I was growing up, there were many "church words" that I did not understand, and so many of the lesson on those topics would just fly over my head. Huh, what? I am sure I was not alone, and when I have taught the youth, I would always ask them if they knew what certain words meant, before I taught a whole lesson they did not understand.

Thanks to The Strength of the Youth information, having the conversation about chastity on "another level" is made easy. For FHE we went directly to the source, and used it as we had the delicate discussion with our kids.

We had a kind of two-level FHE since we have older kids, and some younger ones. For the younger child, William (Baby Henry is still working on Mama/Dada), we talked in very general terms, but still discussed the importance of protecting our bodies, good touches/bad touches, and treating our bodies as something special and sacred.

The older kids got the full-specturum discussion, especially since Sammi is going into Junior High next year. They loved it. Every minute of it. Really, those kinds of lessons are empowering. Just knowing what you should and should not do with your body is liberating. (Despite what the world thinks.)

And today, I found myself very grateful for our FHE lesson, for the inspiration of the Bishop to encourage the lesson, and for the obedience of Charles for making it happen, without hesitation.

It was just this morning that our lesson was brought into action, as we faced a real-life scenario, at the park, in broad daylight.

After our bike ride, we stopped for a moment at the park. Almost immediately I saw two very adorable children who wanted William to come and play with them. These kids -- a boy and a girl, about 5-6 years old -- were precious, just lovely. I was excited that they would want to include William in their little group.

I went and sat under the shade of a nearby tree. I watched (recovering from running) as Daniel played basketball, Sammi pushed Henry on the swings, and William was off in the distance playing in the trees with his new friends.

Daniel finished playing ball, and returned to the swings with Sammi and Henry, and William came running to the swings, too, with his new friends trailing behind him. William jumped on a swing, and I could see the little boy motioning and asking him to come play with him and the little girl. William seemed hesitant and frustrated. And then he yelled, "These are my brothers and sister, I stay with them!"

I wondered what caused such a violent reaction from him, he normally loves playing with other kids. I kept watching to see if maybe the kids were not being nice, or unpleasant. Instead what I saw was much more disturbing.

The little boy and girl gave up on William, and ran off behind some trees, in the shadows, where they thought no one could see them. And then they began showing each other certain unmentionable body parts. (I will not go into great detail here, since it is uncomfortable to talk about, but I will say it was extraordinarily uncomfortable to behold.)

I was not sure what to do, I could not see their parents anywhere. They kept skipping back and forth between different "secluded" places and continued their mischief. (I fully, and I mean FULLY, recognize this kind of "mischief" is common -- though it should not be.) These children kept "hiding" to commence their activities they were not willing to do in the open, but I could see them in plain sight, as I am sure everyone else could, too.

I did not know what to do. To get involved, or not to get involved? Perhaps I should have confronted them. But I just don't know? I sure wish their parents would have been there with them. Instead of getting involved, I just chose to leave, and remove my kids from the situation.

After the kids were done swinging, they all gathered around me under the shade of the tree, and we discussed the matter -- since they were privy to the activities of the "hidden" children, too. 

I had a very detailed conversation with William -- who was put in a very precarious situation -- not of his own making. The conversation was made easy, and very open, with all of the kids. And we were all flabbergasted that we had just witnessed a scenario reflecting our Family Home Evening lesson the night before.

It was a disturbing situation, to be sure. And please do not think I am naive to these types of incidences, because I am far from naiveté.

I just hope the lesson taught through this experience will stick, because I am certain this was not the first time -- nor will it be the last time -- a situation like this will arise. In fact, I am perfectly certain. Without a doubt. I will have to constantly refresh the lesson on chastity, especially with the way things are now.

These things happen. They have happened, and the will happen in the future. This time it was particularly disturbing because I was RIGHT THERE.

I became extraordinarily grateful for our Family Home Evening lesson on our bodies, and how to protect them. William was given the courage to get away, and be freed from the guilt that plagues those carrying the burden of defiling the body. That guilt is heavy and is best to be avoided -- at all costs. Even if it costs you "friendships," like with William's experience.

It was interesting that the participating children kept hiding, knowing what they were doing was inherently wrong. They would search for shadows, and "play" there. Always peeking and checking to see if anyone could see them. They were too young to know that they were not hiding very well.

I am writing this because I think it is SO IMPORTANT to have these difficult, but crucial, conversations with our young ones. Even very young ones. They need to know what is right, and what is wrong -- in regards to protecting their bodies. If we do not teach them, and talk to them, they have no way of knowing. And someone will teach them. Whether we like it, or not.

I am grateful, so grateful, to have information readily available so we can have difficult conversations. It was simple to have the FHE lesson, and easy to talk to the kids about things they really want to know (even if they turn bright red). It is best that the information comes from us, rather than being "educated" on the playground. Because they will be taught and tested there, too. No matter how much you try to protect them, they will face it. It is a reality.

All we can do is prepare them, as best we can, and pray it is enough. And help them, and love them, regardless, if it is not enough. It is a rough world these kids have to face. But a protective bubble from the world is not an option. (Though I have considered it.)

All we can do is lead them, guide them, walk beside them. Help them find their way.

Maybe you haven't had the "talk" yet? It is never too early to start the conversation.