vanormerview2backup: Still Running

After my Run

Getting ready to do crunches to help with my over-stretched kangaroo pouch.

I really should call it jogging, not running . . . running implies speed, which is not what I produce. But I am still trucking-along, daily. I had to change-up my routine. I now drive back home after dropping-off the kids at school, and then I jog from home -- that way I am able to shower quick before I get William from kindergarten. Ahhhhh . . . showering, it is a beautiful thing. Sometimes I will be in the middle of run, and I will start dreaming about getting in the shower. It keeps me going. Good, solid, motivation.

I can feel myself getting stronger -- not faster, but stronger. I am still heaving around so much more of me than I am used to, it makes it hard. Really hard, dang it. But, little by little -- I start feeling a difference when I put on my jeans. I love that feeling, don't you? You know, when your jeans -- no matter the size -- slip on a little easier, and feel a little less constrictive? Yeah, that is an awesome feeling. Worth the effort. Worth the sweat, and tears, and pain. A small victory, I suppose, at first. And then it turns into a huge victory, at last.

I am starting to feel less jiggle in the back of my left leg. I know that is very specific, but I could really feel this extra jello shifting around back there, just a few weeks ago. Now, it is not as gooshy, and I don't feel it bouncing up and down with every step. (That was really annoying.) Subtle changes, but big to me. Because those small changes are how I know that I am making progress.

I refuse to weigh myself, yet. It is too depressing. Whoever invented the scale was a very bad man. I know it was a man, because a woman would never make such an evil contraption. :-) The scale just plays tricks on my mind. If I gain a pound, I beat myself up. If I lose a pound, I celebrate and eat an extra cookie, or two. So, I am just ignoring the scale for now, and blazing the trails and trying to eat a little better than normal. (Nothing extreme, that is for sure!) Eventually, I will have to suck it up (and suck it in) and find out what I measure on the square of shame, but it will NOT be this day! I am so much happier when I live in ignorance. :-) And when I am happy, I find it easier to keep going.

Lately, I have been thinking I should quit breastfeeding, so my chest would not be so huge, and heavy, and in the way (sorry to be graphic, but it is true!). But I know it is the best thing for little Henry -- especially since he is taking antibiotics everyday, and they are probably mutilating his immune system. Sometimes it is hard to be unselfish about my body, or anything for that matter. But, alas, we are not here to see how selfish we can become . . . we are here to see how selfless we are willing to be!

I would do anything for this little guy.